the more things change, the more they stay the same

what's done is done,
is for ever, cannot be change,
stupid mistakes never fade,
never truly vanish in to antiquity-
they haunt you, plague you,
upset you, "what if... what if...
what if..."

nothing will ever be the same as it was,
the tears cried never return to the ducts,
the heart never truly fixed after breaking,
there is always something missing,
nagging you, pulling at you,
driving you to distraction,
tears rolling down your face
and you're not sure why

gaining little from what you enjoy,
unable to think, to feel, to be
your concentration broken,
your convictions gone,
no desire,
no passion,
no plea -
all washed away,
like a bottle in the sea

how i long to be back at shore,
back in the safety of your arms,
in the warmth of your love,
but one stupid mistake,
one stupid mistake,
made in the haze of sleep and passion,
an expression more raw than could be controlled
and i lose you.

i know you tried and tried to take me back,
but it just was not to be,
we tried and tried to start again,
but i could tell that life with me would lead to misery

nothing i can do will fix what i've done,
no present solution will fix my past mistake,
out of luck and out of time,
like so many before me and as so many will follow

i will never forget you,
never forget what i did-
what you said,
time cannot errod what i've done,
but it can save you from me,
from what i will do,
and gently drive me from your mind,
till you are truly free.

my mind is my prison,
inescapable, unchangeable,
not willing to forget or forgive,
all that i have done wrong,
a millstone on my back,
with life an uphill journey-
well off the beaten track

please do not remember me,
but do not forget my pain,
remember the mistakes that i have made
so you will not do the same

I’m so sick and tired,
I always fall the wrong way,
Never find the right girl,
Try oh try as I may.

I change my look,
I change my style,
And yet they continue,
Marching out single file.

all I want is to connect,
to find some one that won’t reject,
Everything I do, everything I am,
I don’t want to be like tom, dick or Sam!

I just want to care,
To like me for me
Not try and change,
To some one I don’t want to be!

I want to love!
To be loved, Happy and true,
I just want some happiness!
So one to share with , like I am with you.

Oh poor forth wall,
I tear you down,
I had to make I rhyme,
So please don’t frown,

Back to the point,
Strait and true,
I want some one to love,
Some like you

Here I sit

Alone I Sit,
Upon this wall,
I can see the ground beneath me,
It’s a long way to fall,

The Suns dying cry
Drowns my eyes in it’s light,
My thoughts turn inwards,
To things not as bright,

To see those things now,
As I could not before,
To cast light on horrid things,
Which I stand no more.

The thoughts I’ve harboured,
And the pain that I’ve caused,
All I wanted was to be close,
Now my whole life is paused,

Paused in these thoughts,
As the world walks this hall,
My mind like a projector,
Throwing pictures on the wall,

The world looks on,
Sees the sin of my soul,
How the mock and judge,
Tearing apart the whole,

Alone I Sit,
Upon this wall,
Alone I wait,
Await the fall,

My head tips backwards,
My body follows suite,
My hands grip tight the mortar,
Stopping my body, still I am not beat.

A lot left to give,
A lot left to say,
For any other person,
I’d give my life away.

Again my mind wanders,
Slowly Round and Round,
It settles upon an image,
Amongst dark memories was found,

Why again remind me of that?
I hated it then and I hate it now,
Why dredge it up again!
Sweat dripping from my brow

A Sick Dream has formed
Deep Inside my head,
Images of darkness
Conjure up the dread,
My Mind snaps back,
Again on this wall,
Slow slipping,
Beginning to fall.

Grasping the bricks tighter,
I regain my grip,
My grip on what?
Head starts to trip.

Questions fill me,
“Why am I here?”
Chasing round and round,
I am filled with fear

Lost are my friends,
Who I’ve Driven away,
Through deception and deceit,
It’s a just price to pay,

Why did I do it?
I don’t think I know,
To protect those I love,
Yet I’m alone in this dying glow

The suns last breath,
Upon this world,
Ignites my soul,
A new story unfurled,
Love driven out,
A life alone,
With out another,
to take seat on this thrown.

I deserve this place,
This cage, this cell,
It’s my own fault,
A self build hell

So alone I sit,
Love driven away,
It my yoke to bear,
Those I love; the ones I betray.

I have lost all sight,
Of what I once knew,
Took pleasure in things,
seeds of destruction that quickly grew

Consumed my life,
Enshrouded by fear,
a life which I had avoided
in which they now steer.

Alone I still sit,
Upon that wall,
No more fear,
I embrace the fall