down wards spiralling up

What this now?
Back in to the fray,
I though I’d escaped,
Back into the light of day,

The night draws me back,
Like a ball down a hill,
Falling slowly into the pit,
Tear after tear I spill.

I wasted my time,
My effort, my life,
All for this, this nothing,
No escape from the strife.

Anything said,
Everything done,
I’ve only lost friends,
Now I have but one,

I feel so lost,
I feel so cold,
I refused to conform,
I broke the mold,

But here there in,
Only loneliness lay,
For all others have gone,
Not one would stay,
But who would stay
With a wretch like me?
Not man nor beast
Would answer my plea.

But one and yet three,
My last hope,
He will give me light,
And lead me to victory.

Governs my life,
Controls my being,
I give it all to him,
My life he is freeing,

From the bondage of sin,
From the clutches of earth,
my chains are broken,
a new life, a rebirth.

My lord, my God,
Forgive me my wrongs,
Let me live for you,
The life for which I long.

amen

Here I sit

Alone I Sit,
Upon this wall,
I can see the ground beneath me,
It’s a long way to fall,

The Suns dying cry
Drowns my eyes in it’s light,
My thoughts turn inwards,
To things not as bright,

To see those things now,
As I could not before,
To cast light on horrid things,
Which I stand no more.

The thoughts I’ve harboured,
And the pain that I’ve caused,
All I wanted was to be close,
Now my whole life is paused,

Paused in these thoughts,
As the world walks this hall,
My mind like a projector,
Throwing pictures on the wall,

The world looks on,
Sees the sin of my soul,
How the mock and judge,
Tearing apart the whole,

Alone I Sit,
Upon this wall,
Alone I wait,
Await the fall,

My head tips backwards,
My body follows suite,
My hands grip tight the mortar,
Stopping my body, still I am not beat.

A lot left to give,
A lot left to say,
For any other person,
I’d give my life away.

Again my mind wanders,
Slowly Round and Round,
It settles upon an image,
Amongst dark memories was found,

Why again remind me of that?
I hated it then and I hate it now,
Why dredge it up again!
Sweat dripping from my brow

A Sick Dream has formed
Deep Inside my head,
Images of darkness
Conjure up the dread,
My Mind snaps back,
Again on this wall,
Slow slipping,
Beginning to fall.

Grasping the bricks tighter,
I regain my grip,
My grip on what?
Head starts to trip.

Questions fill me,
“Why am I here?”
Chasing round and round,
I am filled with fear

Lost are my friends,
Who I’ve Driven away,
Through deception and deceit,
It’s a just price to pay,

Why did I do it?
I don’t think I know,
To protect those I love,
Yet I’m alone in this dying glow

The suns last breath,
Upon this world,
Ignites my soul,
A new story unfurled,
Love driven out,
A life alone,
With out another,
to take seat on this thrown.

I deserve this place,
This cage, this cell,
It’s my own fault,
A self build hell

So alone I sit,
Love driven away,
It my yoke to bear,
Those I love; the ones I betray.

I have lost all sight,
Of what I once knew,
Took pleasure in things,
seeds of destruction that quickly grew

Consumed my life,
Enshrouded by fear,
a life which I had avoided
in which they now steer.

Alone I still sit,
Upon that wall,
No more fear,
I embrace the fall